Finally! I’m writing this.
Jai Gurudev!
This is be a different
type of Guru story for me because it made me threatened of Guruji for a while.
Shocking! But true.
Guruji was coming to
attend an important program and we were preparing the place for his visit. It
was not in my city. I had come to meet him. Unfortunately something
bad/unexpected was happening with me since past two days. It was so irritating
that, I left the place before Guruji came. And it was too difficult for me to
leave without seeing him. I was walking towards the bus stand with crying
heart. I was expecting Guruji will come to cajole and take me back to the
venue. I was keep telling him in mind that it’s not your fault, I’m not angry
with you. You do your work. I’m in misery because of some other problems.
But from somewhere deep
in my heart, I blame Guruji for it and every good and bad happening in my life.
I was sad and telling
him not to worry, which is impossible thing to happen.
I entered into the bus
stand. It was 8:30 evening. Bus for my town was at
10:30. Just then a Sardarji
came to me. He was from a good family, I felt. He came to me and asked “Beta! I
am from a village nearby Ludhiyana, and I have money 20Rs less than the travelling
charges to my village. Please help me.” I gave him 30Rs, like every human would
have done. He became very happy with this and hugged me saying “ Dhanyawaad
Beta!!! Jaan hai tu meri…”
Now here the drama
begins.
He said his bus has
already left the stand now what would he do. So I suggested him to go to the
place where Guruji had to come. I said him to go and listen to the saints
coming over there.
He: Are they providing
food also? (langar)
Me: Yes! They are.
It was a lie. I just
wanted to get rid of him because of my mood. I was not sure that there is
langar or not.
He: Ok then! Show me
the way to the venue.
The way was too simple.
It was just nearby bus-stand. He just needed to cross a circle. I explained him
the way. Saying bye, he hugged and saying the same lines “Jaan hai tu meri”
“Mere gaanv aana tu” and all.
Drama continued.
He: Why don’t you come
with me to venue. We’ll both enjoy the program.
Me: No! I won’t! I have
to get to bus within 15 minutes. I lied again.
He: Then come with me
to gate of bus-stand and show me the circle.
I went with him and
showed. Again saying bye, he hugged and said the same thing. After spending
this much time with him, I felt a little belongingness with him and said bye.
Again.
He: It is so much
traffic. Come and take me up to the circle, then I will go by myself.
I did that also. Until
now I didn’t understand what is happening. I took it as an ordinary event. We
reached to circle. Now the gate of the venue was visible from there. I directed
him and asked for moving forward. Then he again said: “Come and join me for
this program. Come with me, BACK to the ground.”
Something clung to my
mind now. What is happening? Why this person is asking me again and again for going
back? Who is this person?
“NO…!!!” I said
strictly.
Expressions on his face
suddenly changed. He would have thought that “Now it’s not gonna work anymore.”
He gave up. He didn’t say anything else. But my situation was worst.
I got so afraid of the
creator. May be, in turn, I was afraid of Guruji. I ran back to the bus-stand.
I’m not able to express my feeling at that time. It was a mixture of different
types of emotions. Love! Fear! Gratitude! Proud!
Love for him. Fear from
the almighty. Gratitude for he loved and cared for me. Proud of my Guru.
I got into the
bus-stand. Searched for a bench to sit on. Sat. Hid myself in the blanket.
Tears of mixed emotions in my eyes. First time in my life, I was afraid of my
own Guru, who cares and loves me like no-one else does. I was an unexpected
emotion.
I bought a book and
read it until the bus arrived and left.
After that for 3 days I
got myself disconnected from him. Didn’t think about him. Didn’t talked to him.
All photos of him have been removed from walls. But I got normal soon. But it
changed me a lot and strengthened my devotion for him.
